Sunday, February 28, 2016

Oscars 2016 Livesnark

These are the tweets I fired off from my @DirkBelig Twitter account while enduring the 2016 Oscars.
  • Opening montage of everything that didn't get nominated. Bring on the black rage!  
  • Cops shooting black people joke gets applause from self-hating white liberal Hollyweird audience.
  • Rock's monologue was funny, but Hollyweird will take their lumps and go on with their usual racist liberal biz as usual tomorrow.
  • Actual African-American Charlize Theron presents Original Screenplay to Spotlight. Hint of upset already? No token for Compton.
  • Interesting change-up in the sequence of Oscars tracing the production process starting with writing. Ironic terrible banter.
  • Adam MacKay commands everyone to at . I guess he missed the part where he got wealthy serving big corporations.
  • Hilarious montage of black actors trying to get into movies, esp. Leslie Jones, followed by terribly unfunny Sarah Silverman.
  • Sam Smith. Snack/bathroom break! He's the Oscars version of John Kasich.  
  • Wasn't this gawdawful Bond "tune" originally "Puberty Love" in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?
  • Robot girl Alicia Vikander wins Supporting Actress for playing a woman who allowed her husband to cut his junk off because men suck.
  • Costume design winner shares her expertise on ManBearPig because Mad Max was created back when we thought another Ice Age was coming.
  • Mad Max has won three craft awards so far which is what genre movies get at the . Period.
  • Cheevo turns the hat trick for Cinematography. Poor Roger Deakins falls to 0-13. Mad Max wins Editing, rightfully so.
  • Whoa. Angela Bassett is 57-years-HAWT! Hubba to the hubba.
  • Ex Machina (aka Hottie Non-Terminator) upsets the Mad Max caravan for Best VFX - a surprise for a little arthouse sci-fi film.
  • Now Girl Scout cookies are weapons in exploiting Hollywood's white liberal guilt at the . So fun. /s
  • Inside Out wins Best Animated to the surprise of no one because Pixar doesn't have to be good to automatically win. Lame.
  • Another terrible song that not even goth bondage chicks can make interesting. Where's Gaga with that rape tune?
  • These Kohls commercials with civilians lipsynching acceptance speeches are a very special kind of stupid. And Ward's went under?
  • That woman in the Compton bit with the hair over one eye is saving money on 3D tickets.
  • Whoa! Major shocker as Mark Rylance wins Sup Actor over Stallone (sentimental fave) and Ruffalo (many noms). Patsy new Palance?
  • The have the orchestra in the theater orchestra pit after a few years down at Capitol Records studio. Louis CK was funny.
  • So who got left off "The People Who Died" montage (which once again failed to use Jim Carrol's perfect-for-it song)?
  • If Kurt Cobain had known that Dave Grohl would end up ubiquitous, including the , he may have made a different life choice: Shot him!
  • FACT CHECK: TRUE! Slow Joe Biden says he's the "least qualified man here" to cheering libtards before preaching about the campus rape hoax.
  • Funny, I don't recall Tori Amos' "Me and A Gun" being nominated for back in 1991. Isn't having all the rape victims as props wrong?
  • Ennio Morricone wins the Lifetime Achievement Catch-Up for Hateful 8. How high is Jennifer Jason Leigh? She's Ambien spokesmodel.
  • Old: Sappy Bergman ballads won New: Social Justice Warrior anthems win Oscars Out: Good songs need not apply.
  • Aaaaaaaand you can just ignore that last tweet as the craptacular Bond theme wins Best Song . So gay trumps rape. Keep track.
  • Inarritu wins Best Director for the 2nd year in a row for making the lowest-reviewed movie nominated. Bleah.  
  • Brie Larson wins Best Actress for Room bringing the total of stars in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World with to one.
  • Leo wins Oscar.  
  • Leo gets to run waaaaaaaaaaaaay over time at to preach the lies of ManBearPig. Give up your private jet first, hypocrite!
  • Spotlight Best Picture at , derailing Revenant train. Ironic praise 4 reporters when journalists are just DNC operatives these days.
  • That the were marginally more entertaining than the horrible Grammys is nothing to be proud of. Public Enemy over the credits.
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