Oscars 2024 Review Roundup & My Awards Picks

Tonight is the who careseth Academy Awards where Hollyweird gets together to conclude Awards Season with the biggest show of self congratulations. As I've done in recent years I attempted to watch as many of the nominees in the Best Picture, Best Director, and the two screenplay and four acting categories in what I've termed the Oscars Death March as there are frequently movies I had no interest in that, in the name of wanting to make informed judgements and know where Oscar blew it or got it right, I had to see.

This year with the fixed number of Best Picture contenders at 10 that meant there were 45 nominees to slog through and in my best ever performance, I saw 43 of them including ALL the Best Picture nominees AND managed to get reviews posted for all but one (Barbie) which I viewed too long ago to properly review and want to revisit to properly evaluate.

What follows is who I would've voted for if I had an Academy ballot. (In tribute to Siskel & Ebert's traditional "If We Picked The Winners" show.) I will count down from #10 to my ultimate vote getter (I think Oscar uses ranked voting, so this is the inverse of how they'd tally) and then run through the individual awards with comments.

But enough of my yakking. Let's boogie!

#10 - Killers of the Flower Moon (Score: 3/10) - Martin Scorsese's interminable story of white oppression and murder of the Osage Indians in the 1920s was a team up with his two biggest muses, De Niro and DiCaprio, and it was 2 hours of movie dragged out for 3-1/2 hours. The only Skip It review of all nominees.

#9 - The Zone of Interest (5/10) - The banality of evil gets an extended remix in this odd dry film about living next door to Auschwitz with the sounds and ashes of genocide wafting into a Nazi family's idyllic life. Great sound design, but drones on too long.

#8 - Past Lives (6/10) - One of three foreign language films and the smallest in scale that I have no idea why it's in the running with it's frustrating story of unrequited pining. Greta Lee deserved to be nominated Best Actress, though.

#7 - Oppenheimer (6/10) - The odds-on favorite to win big is Christopher Nolan's first movie that I haven't actively hated since Inception. Not that it's a particularly good movie as it manages to sound and fury the impression of something substantive for three hours while being maddeningly sparse. Congrats for not sucking, Chris. Enjoy your career makeup Oscars - this is your The Departed.

#6 - Maestro (7/10) - Bradley Cooper's Oscar bait tour de force has the look and performances, but is undercut by a screenplay that chooses to look at the periphery of the Leonard Bernstein's life thus requiring viewers to come in with too much knowledge of his music on their own. He should've been nominated for direction over screenwriting.

#5 - Anatomy of a Fall (7/10) - An interesting psychological legal drama that lands with a splat due to an ambiguous, choose-your-own-ending-and-meaning conclusion that leaves the viewer high and dry and unsatisfied.

#4 - The Holdovers (7/10) - An odd retro-styled throwback to the way movies were in the early-1970s with a somewhat shaggy story propelled by nuanced performances by Paul Giamatti and Da'Vine Joy Randolph. The script is somewhat unsatisfying in the end, but has a lot of rich moments throughout which liven up the stock plot.

#3 - Barbie (7.5/10 pending review) - Considering the political firestorm around the blockbuster #1 movie of 2023 with one side calling it the greatest feminist triumph ever and the other calling it a misandrist hate crime and some contrary opinions in between, I was surprised that I mostly enjoyed Greta Gerwig's plastic fantastic toy commercial. While the score may change, the ranking is unlikely to move other than perhaps switching with The Holdovers.

#2 - Poor Things (8.5/10) - Yorgos Lanthimos' absolutely bonkers take on Frankenstein is the year's most original movie, weird, wacky, wild and what movies are supposed to do: Show you people and places you've never seen. Emma Stone gives a career best performance and should win her second Oscar for it.

Which leaves us my vote for Best Picture....

#1 - American Fiction (9/10) - Lost behind the generic title (seriously, how many "America [Second Word]" movies are there? American Psycho, American Sniper, American Gangster/Pie/Graffiti/Made/Beauty/Etc.) is one of the sharpest satires in memory running along with a surprisingly layered and warm family drama that mocks white liberal racism while telling a story about people who are black, but not Hollyweird's stereotypical Magical Negro or Helpless Victim framing. Writer-Director Cord Jefferson has created something special and I hope he doesn't fall off like Jordan Peele did after Get Out. Jeffrey Wright and Sterling K. Brown are excellent.

This is the first Best Picture vote that I'd be enthused to cast in a long time as even the "best movies in past years were flawed like Parasite or Nomadland. It doesn't stand a chance this year - or any year - but at least it was nominated. Go watch it. (It's currently on Fubo and MGM+; hopefully it will migrate to a more common service.)

And now onto the rest of the categories with my votes in bold and comments:

BEST DIRECTOR:
Justine Triet - ANATOMY OF A FALL
Martin Scorsese - KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Christopher Nolan - OPPENHEIMER
Yorgos Lanthimos - POOR THINGS
Jonathan Glazer - THE ZONE OF INTEREST

Nolan is going to win, but Lanthimos is the best director in a weak field where three of the nominees could've been replaced by others like Bradley Cooper or Greta Gerwig. He made the most original and stylistic film of the year. It's on Hulu now. Go watch it.

BEST ACTOR:
Bradley Cooper in MAESTRO
Colman Domingo in RUSTIN
Paul Giamatti in THE HOLDOVERS
Cillian Murphy in OPPENHEIMER
Jeffrey Wright in AMERICAN FICTION

Giamatti gives his most Giamatti performance here, but it's not just more of the same. I just wish the script had resolved more satisfactorily. It's a toss-up between him and Murphy to win, but my 2nd choice would be Wright as he's been so good for so long and this is his first real leading showcase and he kills it.

I didn't see Domingo in Rustin because the movie didn't interest me, the reviews were bad, and he wasn't going to win.

BEST ACTRESS:
Annette Bening in NYAD
Lily Gladstone in KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Sandra Hüller in ANATOMY OF A FALL
Carey Mulligan in MAESTRO
Emma Stone in POOR THINGS

Stone delivers the boldest and bravest performance of the year (and not just because she sailed into Mr. Skin's "Great Nudity" ranking with her overload of sex scenes here which weren't that sexy which was the point). She's always been a very subtle actor thanks to her giant Na'vi-sized eyes - just watch the audition scene in La La Land as she realizes they're not paying attention - but here she has to arc Bella from a toddler's mentality to a bright woman's with matching physicality and an English accent to boot.

If Gladstone beats her because the Academy wants to Make History, it'd be a traveshamockery. Greta Lee (Past Lives) should've been nominated over her and perhaps Hüller.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Sterling K. Brown in AMERICAN FICTION
Robert De Niro in KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON
Robert Downey Jr. in OPPENHEIMER
Ryan Gosling in BARBIE
Mark Ruffalo in POOR THINGS

A stacked year with all deserving contenders that edged out some other good performances. Downey is going to win and should win both as a lifetime achievement award and being the only really recognizably human character in the clinical Oppenheimer. 2nd choice would be Brown or Gosling.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Emily Blunt in OPPENHEIMER
Danielle Brooks in THE COLOR PURPLE
America Ferrera in BARBIE
Jodie Foster in NYAD
Da'Vine Joy Randolph in THE HOLDOVERS

 The surest bet of the night and deservedly so as she had the most to do and nailed it. 2nd choice would probably be Foster who's making a comeback lately and this was far better than her turn in True Detective: Night Country. Ferrera is here solely because of her thesis statement rant about how persecuted women are which was pure agitprop and the worst moment in the movie.

Brooks was the only other performance I missed because I haven't seen the original The Color Purple since it was in theaters and I recently bought it in 4K and wanted to revisit that before watching the musical remake. As the sole nomination from the movie, she has no chance and was thus deprioritized, but I'll catch it eventually.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:
AMERICAN FICTION - Cord Jefferson
BARBIE - Greta Gerwig & Noah Baumbach
OPPENHEIMER - Christopher Nolan
POOR THINGS - Tony McNamara
THE ZONE OF INTEREST - Jonathan Glazer

Best pictures start with best screenplays, so this is the gimme. My 2nd pick would be Barbie because while it's stuck in the Adapted category due to it being based on the dolls, it's not as if there was a source book like every other nominee had to draw from and what Gerwig and Baumbach did was quite unique.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:
ANATOMY OF A FALL - Justine Triet and Arthur Harari
THE HOLDOVERS - David Hemingson
MAESTRO - Bradley Cooper & Josh Singer
MAY DECEMBER - Screenplay by Samy Burch; Story by Samy Burch & Alex Mechanik
PAST LIVES - Celine Song
=======
As noted, Barbie should be here, and frankly I'm not super enthused about any of the nominees, so I'm going with The Holdovers for being the least flawed of the lot. Based on my issues with the rest, no 2nd pick. Weakest category of the Death March.

So that's it for this year's Oscars Death March other than catching The Color Purple (2023) and rewatching Barbie. With the exception of Killers of the Flower Moon, there weren't many movies that were too much of a chore to get through and for the most part the nominations and likely winners aren't worth burning a city down over. There could be a few upsets if the Academy decides to spread the wealth around as they've tended to do, but as long as Gladstone doesn't beat Stone (that would merit a small riot) I'll allow it.

What do you think? Leave a comment.

2021 Oscars Best Picture Nominee Review Compiliation

 Tonight is the 93rd Academy Awards ceremony and it will be the first one in my life that I can recall that I will not be watching live.

2020 was The Year Without Movies and thus the Academy decided to just go woke and left-of-dial with small mediocre movies that were big at Sundance and no one saw. Every one of them is a downer experience, even when they imagine they have happy endings.

I am DVRing the show and will skip through it since it will likely consist of nothing but extremely wealthy people circle-jerking their socialist pretensions, declaring half of the potential audience to be deplorable rubes occupying an irredeemably racist and evil country, before handing each other trophies for movies that no one saw, including the voting members. 

Below are his reviews for the ones I saw in time - Judas and the Black Messiah will be added later - ranked in order of quality:

• The Father 
• Nomadland 
• Minari 
• The Trial of the Chicago 7 
• Sound of Metal 
• Mank 
• Promising Young Woman
  

Oscars 2020 Livesnark

Another year, another wasted Sunday night as the Virtual Signalling Olympics for movie stars were a thing and I was on the case via my @DirkBelig Twitter account. Now for your dining and dancing pleasure here's what I had to say:

• So does this Janelle Monae #Oscars opening take care of all the #OscarsSoWhite issues and check the intersectionality boxes?
• Why aren't Steve Martin and Chris Rock just hosting the #Oscars? This opening was probably this good because they would be one and done.
• Brad Pitt finally wins an acting #Oscars and takes a massive dump on the stage to whine about the Democrats' failed sham impeachment. Classless and unnecessary. He's a giant star and producer and doesn't need to virtue signal like this to get work. Weak. Gonna be a long night.
• Toy Story Quatro wins Best Animated Feature at #Oscars to the surprise of no one. The nominations freezing out Frozen II were as much as the Mouse could lose. How did Hair Love win when we were told no black people were nominated? Looks cute.
• So every intro and every acceptance speech at the #Oscars is going to be packed with Leftist politics and wokescolding? Going to be interesting to see how the ratings dive as the Deplorables tune out?
• Why do I know that the Frozen II "Into The Unknown" medley with the global dubbing Elsas was assembled by the #Oscars producers requesting photos of the other 44 and picking the 10 hottest?
• Irony is the Best Original Screenplay being intro'ed with horrible banter for Annie Hall and Neo. Parasite wins. I liked it until the ending which was so bad that it nearly sank the entire film. Snowpiercer also had a bad ending. He's the Bong Joon-Ho is the Korean Alex Garland.
• Kind of a shocker for Taika Waititi to win Best Adapted Screenplay #Oscars for Jojo Rabbit. Figured Greta Gerwig would be an automatic after all the whining over her lack of Best Director nom. (Little Woman was OK, but her choice of randomizing the timeline was a bad choice.)
• Too long a buildup to the point of the Maya Rudolph/Kristen Wiig bit. What production was designed for Once Upon A Time...? They dug out photos of Hollywood in 1969 and recreated it. Parasite created everything from scratch. (The whole slum street was on a soundstage.) #Oscars
• Little Women wins Best Costume Design #Oscars. Period pictures usually have a leg up in this category, but this was merited. What the heck is that deep cut Smashing Pumpkins track doing in the iFone advert?
• Dear gawd. Why is Greta Thumbsucker here? Oh, that's right, it's to show the power of Leftist propaganda & agitprop to bamboozle the ignorant, stupid & fearful under the color of "non-fiction" documentaries when they're usually tissues of lies. #Oscars
• Considering how few white men have won #Oscars so far while plenty of women/minorities have snagged trophies makes the whole #OscarsSoWhite tantrum seem unfounded. There's more than just the top categories, folks.
• No surprise that Laura Dern won Best Supporting Actress; she's won every precursor award. She was good and this is partially a Career Achievement #Oscars Award like Pitt's.
• #Oscars audience seems split between head-bobbing and utter confusion as to why Eminem is performing "Mom's Spaghetti", his Oscar-winning Best Song from 2002. Wait, what? It's been 17 years since it won?!? #TimeFlies 
• Best Sound Editing goes to Ford v Ferrari. Best Sound goes to 1917. For max irony, I muted their acceptance speeches. (Not really) #Oscars 
• YES! Roger Deakins gets his 2nd Best Cinematography #Oscars. 1917 didn't need its one-shot gimmick, but Deakins made it work. The nighttime scene with the flares alone was worth it alone. A legend.
• Ford v Ferrari wins Best Editing at #Oscars. Worthy victory in a tough category this year. Parasite and Jojo Rabbit could've legitimately won. Parasite's cinematography was also excellent. If not for Deakins', it should've won.
• First completely wrong winner at #Oscars as 1917 wins Best Visual Effects over Avengers: Endgame or Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. This is the oldsters pissing on the "kiddie movies" like when Intersuckular won Best VFX. Boooooo!!!! Hilarious intro with the Cats victims.
• And the #Oscars rebound with the correct winner of Best Hair and Makeup for Bombshell. The way they gave John Lithgow the Churchill treatment (same makeup guy did Darkest Hour) and transformed Charlize Theron into Megan Kelly was amazeballs.
• In the Least Surprising #Oscars category victory, Best International Feature (formerly Best Foreign Language) goes to Parasite. This was the no-brainer bet other than pretty much all the acting categories.
• Oh look, it's the bitter angry actress who claimed men were frightened of strong female characters with two well-liked actresses whose beloved characters are badass lust objects of those same men.[thinking emoji] #Oscars
• Hildur Guðnadóttir wins the Best Original Score #Oscars and replaces Matthew McConaughey as Oscar Winner Whose Name You Always Have To Google The Spelling. Elton John wins Best Song, his second, but first for Bernie Taupin. 
• Bong Joon-Ho is surprise winner for Best Director. I figured they may finally recognize Quentin Tarantino while handing Best Picture to the technically brilliant, but emotionally empty 1917. This is going to blow up a lot of #Oscars pools. Parasite sweep ahead?
• Another year, another refusal of the #Oscars to use Jim Carroll's "People Who Died" for their people who died montage. Yeesh, why didn't they select an proper key for Billie Eilish to sing in. Way too low. Figured Kirk Douglas would close, but no Orson Bean or Bob Conrad?
• Wakawaka Phoenix wins Best Actor, again no surprise. Remember when he made I'm Not Here and everyone thought he'd gone insane. (I knew he was putting on.) Now he's "Hold my beering" Brad Pitt to take the most massive dump he can on the stage with a nutso political rant. #Oscars
• In response to Stephen Miller @redsteez: "Jesus, Joaquin is actually going to shoot someone at the end of this isn’t he?"OK, so I'm not the only one who thought this was going to happen. #Oscars
• Appropriate that Rami Malek, who won an #Oscars imitating a famous singer, hands the award to Renée Zellweger for imitating a famous singer. [roll eyes emoji] Why do actors who create fictional characters out of nothing keep rewarded impressions? Jeez, this speech is worse than Joker's.
• What's the bigger #Oscars shocker: That Parasite won Best Picture or that Jane Fonda wasn't the most obnoxious speechifier? I didn't love any of the nominated pictures this year. Many had serious script issues and its ending wrecked the film, but at least it failed the least.
• After letting Joker and Judy ramble endlessly about nonsense, they cut the mic off for the Best Picture winners? So typical #Oscars
• Exit #Oscars Thoughts: * The show was dull with very few surprises beyond the Parasite upsets.
  * The show was overloaded with obvious diversity & inclusion. While Hollyweird's rich white liberal guilt needed it, the ratings will probably show the Normals tuned out. 1/
• So glad The Irishman got skunked on all noms. It was my least fave pic and its noms prevented 11 more deserving folks like Greta Gerwig, who didn't deserve her Lady Bird nom, but did well with Little Women, though the scrambled timeline was a fatal flaw. Still better than Marty
• * Surprised Tarantino didn't win. I thought they might spread the wealth around and would've guessed he'd win for Once while 1917 won Best Pic.
  * After Janelle Monae's snappy opener & Steve Martin/Chris Rock, the show lost steam as wokeness and TDS took over. 3/
  

Oscars 2018 Livesnark

Another year, another wasted Sunday night as the Virtual Signalling Olympics for movie stars were a thing and I was on the case via my @DirkBelig Twitter account. Now for your dining and dancing pleasure here's what I had to say:

• Sigh....here we go. Another year of the circle-jerking, virtue-signaling, Festival of Hypocrisy bka the #Oscars as gazillionaires lecture us about income inequality and demand serf disarmament, then wanting us to see Murderdeathkill 3 at theaters this weekend.
• First orange flag (signifying Hollyweird's desire that #2A be repealed for the Normals, while they have private armed security because shut up) spotted on Lin-Manuel Miranda, famous for his musical about a Founding Father who wanted the People armed against his ilk. #Oscars
• Only took a whole two minutes for the first of surely many, many cheap shots at Trump at the #Oscars. So edgy. Really going on on a limb, Jimmy.
  
  Looks like they're broadcasting from inside of Elizabeth Taylor's jewelry box.
• 63 million people are being punched in the face repeatedly by Jimmy Kimmel's #Oscars monologue. Show business is the only business that believes insulting the PAYING customers to preen for their elite pals has no downside. Idiots.
  
  Helen Mirren as Price Is Right model.  :)
• Best Supporting Actor goes to Sam Rockwell. I would've voted for Richard Jenkins, but this is fine. (That Armie Hammer wasn't nominated is nuts.) Fun speech. #Oscars
• MOI (about Gal Gadot): That's a nice dress.
  
  MISSUS: She could wear a paper bag and look good.
  
  MOI: This is true.
  
  MISSUS: So could [Armie Hammer] for that matter. #Oscars
• Eva Marie Saint is 93. Wowsers. She's in better shape, looks and cognitively, than Lindsay Lohan.
  
  Best Costume Design goes to Phantom Thread. This is correct. #Oscars
• Kimmel is all-in on being as negative and divisive as possible hosting the #Oscars. Not funny, not entertaining; nope, just furiously showing off for his fellow elites. Can't wait to see the ratings for this mess.
  
  Icarus wins Best Documentary Feature. Haven't seen this yet.
•  Whomever is cutting these #Oscars montages deserves some acclaim. The stage is pretty classy, too.
  
  Best Sound Editing goes to Dunkirk. [shrug]
•  The Dee Rees (who should've been nominated instead of Greta Gerwig for Best Director) Walmart-#Oscars advert was cute and an instant "give her a comic book movie" moment, but note the lack of a father because SocJus demands men be erased.
• Irony is sending out two actors who LEGALLY immigrated to America to lecture the Normals watching the #Oscars that they need to STFU about the invaders among them.
  
  Best Production Design is The Shape of Water. Acceptable choice.
  
  What is up with that guy's sleeves?
• Was there a sale at Too Small Velvet Jacket Warehouse? Must have been judging from the #Oscars suits the menfolk are wearing.
  
  Best Supporting Actress goes to Allison Janney to the surprise of no one. (I would've voted for her, too.) Nice speech opener and long w/o notes.
• St. Vincent = HAWT! #Oscars
• Surprise win for Blade Runner 2049 for Best Visual Effects #Oscars. Tough category where all were legit contenders, but I would've ranked it fifth. Would probably have voted for War for the Planet of the Apes.
•  Best Editing goes to Dunkirk. Spare me. The movie was pure confusion narratively. Baby Driver would've been my vote. Not sure why The Florida Project wasn't nominated here. #Oscars
• It would be wonderful if the audience they're about to surprise on the #Oscars was filled with people who just got out of prison a few days ago.
  
  Note that most of the stars participating are those in blockbuster movies who know hating the fans is bad business.
•  Just realized that the black #Oscars envelopes with YUGE gold type are probably to make it really, really, REALLY difficult to hand the presenters the wrong category undetected since they're visible from the lobby. Or orbit.
• Common - who won an Oscar for the dastardly "hands up, don't shoot" lie - is back with more agitprop. At least this year he's highly unlikely to be rewarded for these antics. Oh, look, all the white liberals are standing up as ordered at the #Oscars
• Unlike the Golden Globes, the #Oscars are paying some lip service to all the raping that went on with the silence and complicity of half of that crowd. No sign of Rose McGowan, though. No love for #rosearmy
• Best Adapted Screenplay goes to to Call Me By Your Name checking off the pink box with a career win for a long-lived veteran. (I would've voted for Mudbound, then The Disaster Artist.)
  
  Best Original goes to Get Out, which was my vote. Watch it twice to appreciate the skill.
• FINALLY!!! Roger Deakins wins Best Cinematography! Darkest Hour, Mudbound and The Shape of Water were all very nice, but Blade Runner 2049 was good and this bloke has been overlooked by the #Oscars for too long. Huzzah!
• And for the 38th straight year the Academy fails to use Jim Carroll's "People Who Died" for the #Oscars people who died segment. FAIL!!! So who will be the biggest snubs/overlooks this year?
•  Best Director goes to Guillermo del Toro for Grinding Nemo, which I'd be cool with if it hadn't been damaged by his usual slide into graphic violence & sex when it's simply not necessary. His movies are always lovely, but never quite gel. Would've voted for Jordan Peele. #Oscars
• Best Actor goes to Gary Oldman. When I saw the first trailer for Darkest Hour, I said it should've been title "Gary Oldman's Getting An Oscar This Year, Dammit!" and it is well-deserved.
  
  From Sid Vicious to Zorg to Churchill. All together now: EVERYONE!!!! #Oscars
• Best Actress goes to Frances McDormand to the surprise of no one. Didn't care for Three Billboards because it rang false over and over as there were no repercussions, but she was good and I support this win. Terrible dress. Obnoxious speech. Finance quality. #Oscars
• Best Picture is Grinding Nemo, aka Amélie F*cks The Creature From The Black Lagoon. BZZZZTT!!! The correct answer was Get Out or Darkest Hour.
  
  Quick, name GdT's last film? Nope, not Pacific Rim, it was Crimson Peak. Really.
  
  I didn't care for most of this year's #Oscars films.

Oscars 2017 Livesnark

The collected tweets from @DirkBelig during the 2017 Virtue Signaling Olypmics.

• Ultra-Leftist Hollyweird millionaire hypocrites wear ACLU ribbons at the #Oscars to signal support for parts of the Constitution they like.
•  I've seen 8 of 9 Best Picture #Oscars nominees, all but Fences, and didn't care for any but Lion. The faves to win are the worst overall.
• And now after that bright, peppy, joyful opening #Oscars number by Justin Timberlake we can get down to bashing Trump and crying "Fascism!"
• Good opening monologue from @jimmykimmel, but he's basically begging for #Oscars winners to throw tantrums to bait Cheeto Jesus.
• Alicia Vikander is way too tan for a Swedish girl. Mahershala Ali wins for Moonlight as expected. He was OK, but nothing special. #Oscars  
• That's the #Oscars winning motion picture Suicide Squad, bitches! That that, Marvel! LOL! And then obligatory Trump bash. Take it back!
• Witchcraft works to get Colleen Atwood her 4th #Oscars win, yet she pretends to be as surprised as Taylor Swift. 
• The orchestra is actually in the pit this year's #Oscars after several years piped in from Capitol Records studio. Good perf from Moana kid.
• First Walmart receipt #Oscars ad by Antoine Fuqua was dumb. Low bar for competition to beat. Yes, it's a contest. I said so.  
• Inclusion: Leftists keep saying that word, but I don't think it means what they think it means. We're missing Walking Dead for this? #Oscars
• Sound awards #Oscars split between Arrival and Hacksaw Ridge for those who were out of the room getting snacks. 
• What is with @jimmykimmel's constant baiting and bashing of Mel Gibson? It's not as if he's going attack him. Same w/ Trump. #Oscars #NoFear
• Weird #Oscars speech from Viola Davis until the point on stories from the graveyard was explained. Her win was the free space on your pool.
• 2nd Walmart receipt #Oscars ad by Marc Forster was a bimbo: looked good, but stupid. Low bar for Seth and Evan to clear for victory.
• And terrorist-backer Iran wins Foreign Film #Oscars in order to allow the #MuslimBan lie to be cheered by Hollywood Jews who hate Israel.
• Sting is providing music too boring for NPR for your snack break. Oh, pity the poor journalists whose #FakeNews is being punished. #Oscars
• King of #FakeNews @nytimes bleats on their #Oscars ad that "the truth is more important now than ever" because they've been lying forever.
• Tiny Latino actor demands America have no borders to #Oscars cheers. Guess Hollywood forgot the illegal alien who murdered Adrienne Shelly.
• The #Oscars bit w/the tourists was nicely amusing. I'm sure those "random folks" were cast for max hilarity. Trump is still Hitler, right?
• Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg handily win the Walmart #Oscars receipt ad contest by just getting high and literally rattling off the items.
• The Google #Oscars ad totally spoils Lion for those who haven't seen it while subliminally sticking it to useless Apple.
• Do the people cheering for The White Helmets at the #Oscars know that their beloved Nobel Peace Prize-winning Obama did nothing for Syria?
• @jimmykimmel desperately tries to troll Trump cuz there's not enough rage happening at the #Oscars. Pathetic. Leslie Mann's dress is hate.
• John Legend, who had the one good line in La La Land, performs the #Oscars-nominated tunes, neither of which as good as "Another Day of Sun"
• The "Best" Song #Oscars goes to three white guys over the Hamilton guy because RAAAAAAAAAACISM! #LiveUpToYourStandardsHollywood  
• Another year, another #Oscars Parade of Death which doesn't use Jim Carroll's "People Who Died" as the backing.
• Where was Miguel Ferrar on #Oscars Parade of Death? Who else got snubbed? Surprised they didn't include America, the way they've been crying
• Kimmel intro to Matt Damon was funny, showing that if he had forgone baiting Trump all #Oscars night, he would've been better.  
• Great Batfleck and Matt Damon schtick was hilarious. Amy Adams brought the twins to the #Oscars! ( o Y o ) Moonlight was barely a story.
• The Wikipedia page for Tarell Alvin McCraney was updated to say he won Best Adapted Screenplay #Oscars within two minutes. #ThatWasFast
• Sorry, Halle Berry, even Beyonce couldn't pull off that mop at the #Oscars Damien Chazelle is so wildly overrated. Whiplash was meh, too.  
• Have they ever had an #Oscars ceremony without any clips from the Best Picture nominees? Probably cut for time to allow more Trump-baiting.
• Can't believe Casey Affleck won Best Actor #Oscars, not because the SJWs were after him, but because his role was monotone and dull. #fail
• Leo is thinking, "I froze my freaking ass off to win my #Oscars, but Casey wins for being mopey for two hours?"
• Emma Stone was so good in the mediocre La La Land; serving like J.K. Simmons as the reason people stupidly praise Damien Chazelle. #Oscars
• Old white guy Warren Beatty, whose last movie bombed so hard, speaks up for diversity to #Oscars cheers. Spare us all the preaching.  
• Tuneless musical La La Land wins Best Picture at #Oscars because diversity-preening has limits when circle-jerking themselves calls H'wood.
• WHAT!!!!! Unbelievable #Oscars moment as they handed out the wrong card and had to take La La Land's Oscar away on stage! #SomeoneIsFired
• Pure diversity-pandering by Hollywood in picking Moonlight. As much as I didn't care for La La Land, Moonlight was my least liked. #Oscars
• I simultaneously stage-managed and co-hosted a 4-1/4 hour show last night, same as #Oscars, and we had a much better-done show than this.  
• @EW sez "Celebs unleashed on Hollywood's big night" - actually wasn't as terribad as feared other than Kimmel's desperate baiting. #Oscars
• Best Supporting Actor, Best Documentary Feature; Best Supporting Actress; Best Adapted Screenplay; Best Picture. #Oscars #OscarsNotSoWhite
• In addition to discovering who f*cked up #Oscars Best Picture cards, Warren Beatty needs to explain why he didn't just ask if this was right
• When is it going to be revealed that M. Night Shyalaman wrote tonight's #Oscars show? #WhatATwist

Oscars 2016 Livesnark

These are the tweets I fired off from my @DirkBelig Twitter account while enduring the 2016 Oscars.

• Opening montage of everything that didn't get nominated. Bring on the black rage!  
• Cops shooting black people joke gets applause from self-hating white liberal Hollyweird audience.
• Rock's monologue was funny, but Hollyweird will take their lumps and go on with their usual racist liberal biz as usual tomorrow.
• Actual African-American Charlize Theron presents Original Screenplay to Spotlight. Hint of upset already? No token for Compton.
• Interesting change-up in the sequence of Oscars tracing the production process starting with writing. Ironic terrible banter.
• Adam MacKay commands everyone to #FeelTTheBern at #Oscars. I guess he missed the part where he got wealthy serving big corporations.
• Hilarious montage of black actors trying to get into movies, esp. Leslie Jones, followed by terribly unfunny Sarah Silverman.
• Sam Smith. Snack/bathroom break! He's the Oscars version of John Kasich.  
• Wasn't this gawdawful Bond "tune" originally "Puberty Love" in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?
• Robot girl Alicia Vikander wins Supporting Actress #Oscars for playing a woman who allowed her husband to cut his junk off because men suck.
• Costume design winner shares her expertise on ManBearPig because Mad Max was created back when we thought another Ice Age was coming.
• Mad Max has won three craft awards so far which is what genre movies get at the #Oscars. Period.
• Cheevo turns the hat trick for #Oscars Cinematography. Poor Roger Deakins falls to 0-13. Mad Max wins Editing, rightfully so.
• Whoa. Angela Bassett is 57-years-HAWT! Hubba to the hubba.
• Ex Machina (aka Hottie Non-Terminator) upsets the Mad Max caravan for Best VFX #Oscars - a surprise for a little arthouse sci-fi film.
• Now Girl Scout cookies are weapons in exploiting Hollywood's white liberal guilt at the #Oscars. So fun. /s
• Inside Out wins Best Animated #Oscars to the surprise of no one because Pixar doesn't have to be good to automatically win. Lame.
• Another terrible #Oscars song that not even goth bondage chicks can make interesting. Where's Gaga with that rape tune?
• These Kohls commercials with civilians lipsynching #Oscars acceptance speeches are a very special kind of stupid. And Ward's went under?
• That woman in the Compton #Oscars bit with the hair over one eye is saving money on 3D tickets.
• Whoa! Major shocker as Mark Rylance wins Sup Actor #Oscars over Stallone (sentimental fave) and Ruffalo (many noms). Patsy new Palance?
• The have the #Oscars orchestra in the theater orchestra pit after a few years down at Capitol Records studio. Louis CK was funny.
• So who got left off "The People Who Died" #Oscars montage (which once again failed to use Jim Carrol's perfect-for-it song)?
• If Kurt Cobain had known that Dave Grohl would end up ubiquitous, including the #Oscars, he may have made a different life choice: Shot him!
• FACT CHECK: TRUE! Slow Joe Biden says he's the "least qualified man here" to cheering libtards before preaching about the campus rape hoax.
• Funny, I don't recall Tori Amos' "Me and A Gun" being nominated for #Oscars back in 1991. Isn't having all the rape victims as props wrong?
• Ennio Morricone wins the Lifetime Achievement Catch-Up #Oscars for Hateful 8. How high is Jennifer Jason Leigh? She's Ambien spokesmodel.
• Old: Sappy Bergman ballads won #Oscars New: Social Justice Warrior anthems win Oscars Out: Good songs need not apply.
• Aaaaaaaand you can just ignore that last tweet as the craptacular Bond theme wins Best Song #Oscars. So gay trumps rape. Keep track.
• Inarritu wins Best Director for the 2nd year in a row for making the lowest-reviewed movie nominated. Bleah. #OscarsSoLame 
• Brie Larson wins Best Actress for Room bringing the total of stars in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World with #Oscars to one.
• Leo wins Oscar. #OscarsSoPredictable #Boring #BeingColdIsntActing #ManBearPigger 
• Leo gets to run waaaaaaaaaaaaay over time at #Oscars to preach the lies of ManBearPig. Give up your private jet first, hypocrite!
• Spotlight Best Picture at #Oscars, derailing Revenant train. Ironic praise 4 reporters when journalists are just DNC operatives these days.
• That the #Oscars were marginally more entertaining than the horrible Grammys is nothing to be proud of. Public Enemy over the credits.

Oscars 2015 Livesnark

It's that time again for the collected tweets I fired off @DirkBelig during the Academy Awards.

• Lupita N'yongo's dress makes her look like the Mr. T of pearls. No necklace? Missed opportunity. /s #Oscars2015
• Patricia Arquette sounds as stoned as Ethan Hawke did. She's gonna be great getting her Oscar. Get her a comb. #Oscars2015
• So-so opening on #Oscars2015. Weak jokes. OK song. J.K. Simmons wins the first foregone conclusion award.
• Boy, NPH is really foundering. The jokes and bits are really labored, requiring explanations and tap dancing. #Oscars2015 
• I liked this Maroon 5 song better when it was called "Puberty Love" in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. 22 mins in only 1 award. #Oscars2015 
• OK, the "armored ride when the revolution starts" joke was the first LOL of #Oscars2015. More of this, please.
• #Oscars2015 is officially a boring trainwreck. Terrible pacing. Even "Everything Is Awesome" can't save this, that was this year's "Happy."
• Can you imagine if they didn't waste so much time on painful schtick so the winners could finish their speeches? #Oscars2015 
• Did Goop steam-clean her vajoo before putting on her #Oscars2015 throwback Nolan Miller dress? Couldn't they get a bigger mic for McGraw?
• Jesus? #Oscars2015
• And the 1% of the 1% attending #Oscars2015 go crazy for Patricia Arquette's braying for wage equality, something that's a liberal LIE!
• Remember, the #Oscars2015 LOSERS are getting $167K in swag, which is 4X the ave family income. H'wood underpays actresses, so heal thyself.
• OK, #Oscars2015 just jumped the effing shark! Interstellar wins Best VFX over any of the competitors, esp. Dawn of Planet of Apes. BULLSH*T!
• Seriously, Interstellar was a TERRIBLE movie, but the VFX were barely competent. Transfomers wasn't nommed for this crap? #Oscars2015 
• I liked Big Hero 6, but The Lego Movie should've been in the mix. #Oscars2015 
• The Prez of the Academy is telling the Hollyweird stars to stop being nasty to non-liberals, right? Free speech without fear, right? #Oscars 
• 2nd time using "Lift Us Up Where We Belong" as a walk-on cue. What's that about? Couldn't license more tunes? #Oscars2015 
• Cheevo shouldn't have won last year for Gravity because it was 90% VFX. They need to split Cinematography in two. #Oscars2015 
• Another year comes & goes w/o #Oscars using Jim Carroll's "People Who Died" for the In Memorium reel. Instead J.Hud reminds us we diet fail
• Samsung ad reminds me I need to get back to watching Key & Peele. I'd totally watch Found! #Oscars2015 #CommercialsBetterThanShow
• Naomi Watts wanted to wear a tube top or gray apron - decided to wear both. Bernadette Cumberbund is serving drinks at Guv Ball. #Oscars2015
• The two best things about Whiplash have won, so it can go away now. #Oscars2015 
• The way they're announcing #Oscars2015 presenters as "Oscar nominee" because of PAST nominations is confusing. Terrance Howard WTF?
• And now the "Hands Up, Don't Shoot" LIE of Ferguson is given the full #Oscars2015 production number treatment. This spits on King's dream.
• Wouldn't it be great if after that tear-inducing performance that "Everything Is Awesome" won? There's be a riot in the #Oscars2015 theater.
• Tonight we learned that John Stephens and Lonnie Lynn have been working under fake names. #Oscars2015 Now they tell racialist lies. Fun.
• Hey, John Legend, ever think that the reason so many black men are in prisons is that they've committed crimes? How about you board them?
• There's no way this show is going to wrap up at 11:30 with all the lame schtick and social justice BS punctuating the boredom of #Oscars2015 
• Wowsers! Lady Gaga just salvaged #Oscars2015 with that KILLER Sound of Music medley. Julie Andrews is the cherry on the moment.  
• I'd like to believe Birdman's Best Original Screenplay win bodes well for it's overall #Oscars2015 chances. Boyhood MUST NOT win. Period.
• Imitation Game writer shows how to make an #Oscars2015  speech about something personal not self-indulgent rage-mongering. Good job, sir. 
• WTF is up with the massive turquoise necklaces like that mess yoking Cate Blanchett's tasteful black #Oscars2015 dress?
• Eddie Redmayne wins for the imitation game; all he did was imitate a living person. Michael Keaton should've won #Oscar for creating a role.
• As we pass the 3-1/2 hours mark for #Oscars2015 we return to the locked case for a weak payoff of the gag. #SoNotWorthTheTimeWasted
• Whew! Birdman wins Best Picture. Too bad Keaton got robbed, but so glad Boyhood (aka 12 Years A Movie) didn't win a damn thing. #Oscars2015
• Overall #Oscars2015 a terrible show. NPH was a disappointment. Too much libtard BS. Gaga ruled. Time to watch Walking Dead. Buh-bye #DropMic

2014 Oscars Livesnark

Another year, more snark, mostly on Twitter. Refresh for updates...

• If you had Ellen wearing a dress in the #Oscars pool, what were you thinking?
• Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto are both wearing white tux jackets, so it appears they'll be serving drinks at the after-party. #Oscars
• The Somali guy from Captain Phillips is this year's Hang S. Nygor, except he won't be winning. #Oscars 
• Yummy Girl! Short hair looks decent. #Oscars 
• Jared Leto wins and dedicates it to his mom and bro first. Shouts out to Ukraine and Venezuela and has to be running long. #Oscars 
• Ellen's opening monologue was OK. Missing Seth McFarlane now. #Oscars Jim Carrey is scaring me.
• At the rate of one award per 1/2 hour, they won't be done with the #Oscars until sometime Tuesday. Pharrel's wearing his Malcolm McLaren hat.
• At this rate, I could watch Walking Dead & Girls and only miss 3-4 #Oscars. Naomi Watts looks like she's auditioning for Young Hillary Story.
• How does Catching Fire not get nominated for Costumes or Makeup #Oscars? How about The Hobbit being snubbed for Hair & Makeup? Lame.
• Channing Tate-yum comes out to intro contest winners which is the only way he'll be at the #Oscars. Dude, your Magic Mike bro's gonna win!
• It's ironic that Kim Novak is out there for animation considering her face is absolutely immobile. Scary #Oscars time!
• Kim Novak is 81. Her face is not. #Oscars 
• Frozen wins for Best Animated Feature, a category Pixar's weak Monsters University wasn't even nommed for. Good. Pixar blows now. #Oscars 
• Gravity wins Best VFX, filling in the Free Space on your #Oscars bingo card. Just as with Life of Pi, if it didn't win, it was riot time.
• Wouldn't it be awesome if Pharrell's dancers came out behind Karen O and whoever that guy is at the #Oscars? Total mood clash!
• Haven't seen 20 Feet From Stardom yet, but it's interesting to see the #Oscars go for a non-political film, like Sugar Man or Motown.
• Whoa, whoa, Darlene Love; who said you could mention God in front of all these people at the #Oscars who think they are?
• This Ellen wandering the audience stuff at the #Oscars is the worst Samsung Galaxy Note 3 ad ever. OK, let's see that selfie!
• Down in front, you're blocking AJ! RT If only Bradley's arm was longer. Best photo ever. #oscars http://twitter.com/TheEllenShow/status/440322224407314432/photo/1pic.twitter.com/woVVmWVXDn
• Lupita Nyong'o is the first Klingon to win at the #Oscars. (That's what the apostrophe in her name means, right?)
• Does anyone think this pizza delivery running gag that's holding up the #Oscars show is funny? Lame callback to when Steve Martin did nosh.
• HELL YEAH! Bill Murray shouts out to Harold Ramis at the #Oscars. I don't think Gravity should've won Cinematography; it's all VFX, like Pi.
• Why is Pink singing at the #Oscars? Haven't wasted enough time been wasted on Ellen's phone ad wandering? Double-sided tape is the most worn.
• Does this Oz dress blow the Ellen #Oscars pool? Jennifer Garner is wearing Anne Hathaway's old Oscar-hosting dress. Make it swish!
• Boy, sleep with the director (Baz Luhrman) and win #Oscars! Two of them! It appears they're not going to play anyone off for talking long.
• Once again, the #Oscars People Who Died montage isn't backed by Jim Carroll's "People Who Died." It's a gimme, folks! Make it happen!
• Suck it, Obama! #Oscars https://www.inside.com/oscars/u2ejf/ellen-degeneres-selfie-shatters-retweet-record-rec 
• I wonder who else noticed Sarah Jones, the 27-year-old camera asst who was hit by a train the other day, when the #Oscars went to break?
• AAAIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!! Goldie Hawn, STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!! Scary #Oscars again.
• Why does Idina Menzel sound like a pitchy American Idol contestant with mushy diction when she sang it so well in the movie? Weird. #Oscars 
• Glad Gravity's score won. Really did what music is supposed to do. Steven Price got a handshake from John Williams, who IS Movie Score God.
• So glad "Let It Go" won over U2's drab pander. And the writers got the EGOT! Cute acceptance speech! #Oscars 
• From Undercover Brother to winning an Oscar for 12 Years A Slave. Way to go John Ridley. Whoa! Spike Jonze won?!? Play "Cannonball!" #Oscars 
• Sidney Potier is 87. So is his face. Thank God for that. Alfonso Cuaron wins Best Director for his 2nd #Oscars. Will he turn the hat trick?
• Cate Blachett's #Oscars dress looks like it has fishing lures all over it. Haven't seen Blue Jasmine yet, but Amy Adams was great in Hustle.
• Matthew McConaughey (yeah, I have to Google the spelling) completes his career overhaul at the #Oscars. 6 years ago he was in Surfer, Dude.
• I guess those billboards playing the White Guilt Card - "It's time." - paid off for 12 Years A Slave at the #Oscars. Guess I'll watch it now
• Overall, Ellen was pleasant, but bland. The #Oscars show lacked surprises and could've been under 3 hours if they'd cut the schtick.

Well, that's a wrap, folks! Thanks for reading. See ya next year.

2012 Academy Awards Livesnark

Unlike the past couple of years when I'd seen all the major nominees, I've only seen 4-1/2 of the 9 Best Picture nominees: The Artist (very sweet, but overpraised), The Help (stunningly mediocre and overrated), Moneyball (very good, but not great), Midnight in Paris (cute, but also overpraised), and half of The Descendents. I want to see Hugo, but have so little interest in War Horse, Extemely Incredible and Closely Loud (sp?) and whatever the other one is that I couldn't even hazard a guess as to when I'm going to see them. So, with little interest in who wins, let's snark this mutha up! (Refresh for updates all night.)

• The fashions on the red carpet have been blah. No one seems to know how to get clothes fitted. One exception: Natalie Portman with a cute red dress and tasteful jewelry.

• God Himself (i.e. Morgan Freeman) does the cold opener. BFD.

• The filmed opener was funny then got lame. "It's Time For Oscar" song was meh.

• Instead of opening with Best Supporting Actress, they've one-twoed Cinematography and Art Direction, both of which went to Hugo. The harbingers of an upset?

• They have a cruise ship band in the balcony with Pharrell Williams playing drums. Why?

• Nice touch with the nominations for Costume Design and Makeup to have people talk about their intent while showing clips from the movie. The Artist and The Iron Lady.

• Movie stars talking about their first movies. Who cares? What makes their experiences special? Oh, that's right, they're famous. Pfft.

• A Separation (from Iran) wins Best Foreign Language. The director makes a speech referring to the political tensions, but doesn't speak against the mullahs who've made Iran the terrorist pariah state they are. One guess as to why.

• Octovia Spencer gets Best Support Actress for The Help and loses it. Come on, it wasn't a surprise. Pull it together.

• Semi-amusing spoof of focus groups done with the Christopher Guest posse.

• The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a surprise winner for Best Editing. They should've edited out their terrible speech. With all the technical awards Hugo is racking up, it's surprising Thelma Schoonmaker didn't win.

• Hugo wins for Best Sound Editing and Sound Mixing. I'm really wishing I'd caught this. I'll put it on the top of the stack.

• The Cirque du Soleil number was impressive, but how did it really capture the experience of going to the movies.

• Above-average schtick with Iron Man and Pepper Potts. They cut the mike off on the Best Documentary winners.

• Chris Rock brings some much-needed edge to the proceedings with a great bit about how it's not hard to do animation for the actors.

• Rango wins Best Animated Feature. I still haven't seen this, but heard it's pretty good.

• I just adore Emma Stone, but that stupid bow on her dress sucks. Great schtick with Ben Stiller. She's got a future in this business.

• Hugo wins Best Special Effects. Got nothing to say about that yet, but Sucker Punch should've been nominated.

• Christopher Plummer sets the record for the oldest Oscar winner at 82 for Beginners thus leveraging never having won despite an illustrious career and playing a gay guy for the gold. Classy speech.

• Cute bit where Billy tells us what the people are thinking.

• The Artist wins for Best Score, which makes sense because that was the only sound in 99.9% of the movie. We will never hear from this guy again.

• Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis are funny, especially the latter mangling his own name in his introduction. They're willing to play the fool.

• The traveshamockery of the Best Song category results in "Man or Muppet" winning the coin toss. When other numbers like "Star Spangled Man" (from Captain America: The First Avenger) weren't even nominated, this category is meaningless. Either do it right or cut it.

• Angelina Jolie = YOWZA!!! Pop that leg out. Funny when Jim Rash apes the pose when The Descendents wins for Best Adapted Screenplay.

• Woody Allen wins Best Original Screenplay for Midnight in Paris. Meh, I guess so.

• The cast of Bridesmaids gets to hand out the awards that no one cares about. Harsh, but true.

• What's with the popcorn girls handing out snacks during the breaks.

• Billy Crystal keeps making these jokes pandering to the class warfare rage that the Left preens their support for. Is there anyone in the front part of this house who isn't in the top 1% of the supposedly evil 1%.

• Michel French Guy wins Best Director for The Artist, so if you had Hugo in your Oscar pool, The Walking Dead rerun is starting in five minutes.

• James Earl Jones and makeup artist deity Dick Smith won Honorary Oscars and Oprah gets the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award. My life remains unaffected.

• The People Who Died montage was really heavy on behind-the-scenes personnel. I'm sure, "Who?", was the most-often voiced reaction.

• Jean Dujarden wins Best Actor for The Artist. Is he the next Roberto Begnini? (I'm not even going to look up whether I spelled that right.) We'll probably never hear from him again here.

• WHOA! Meryl Streep upsets Viola Davis for Best Actress. I'm sure Spike Lee is tweeting about how racist this is. Streep hasn't won in 30 years and this was her 17th nomination. I suspect the Academy figures Davis will be back soon. Yet another Oscar win for a performance which has a real-life person to mimic as opposed to creating a character from scratch. Don't actors understand this stuff? Guess not.

• The Artist wins Best Picture to the surprise of no one. Of the movies I've seen, I enjoyed this the most, but I want to see Hugo now.

Overall, it was a meh show. Billy Crystal seemed too impressed with his Borscht Belt jokes, but would Eddie Murphy have been better?

Score: 6/10. Whatever.

Ranking The 2011 Oscar Best Picture Nominees

I finished watching the Coen Brothers' True Grit last night (review pending, but I didn't hate it unlike most of their recent work) and thus completed seeing all 10 of this year's Oscar Best Picture nominees.

Last year, if I had a ballot, I would've voted for District 9 in the #1 slot. Here are how I would rank this year's picks. The #3-#8 entries are sort of fungible in their ordering, but the others are pretty much locked in their respective places.

1. The Social Network
2. The Fighter
3. Inception
4. 127 Hours
5. Toy Story 3
6. The King’s Speech
7. Winter's Bone
8. True Grit
9. Black Swan
10. The Kids Are All Right

Disagree? Leave it in the comments.

UPDATE: Just caught this great video from the How It Should Have Ended guys (check out their oeuvre at YouTube) and they should've run this for the Best Picture nom montage.

2011 Academy Awards Livesnark

• Opening filmed bit riffing on Inception was cute.

• Franco's Grandma: "I just saw Marky Mark." Ha! But opening banter was stiff.

• Alice in Wonderland wins Best Art Direction. I hate it when historical movies based on real places win, so I was afraid a sweep for The King's Speech would rob a genuinely original creation.

• Somewhat of an upset as Wall Pfister wins Best Cinematography for Inception over Roger Deakin's work on True Grit since Deakins has been nominated nine times without winning. No complaints about the win, though.

• First segment felt off-kilter and stilted. Franco and Hathaway are too giggly.

• Kirk Douglas is out and doing shtick which is rough considering his stroke. Cute that he milked the envelope opening moment.

• Melissa Leo wins for Best Supporting Actress for The Fighter. Terrible speech. Whoa! Had to bleep her. They should've given it to Halle Steinfeld, but she was really a lead part.

• Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis are absolutely horrid with banter. Jeez, who writes this stuff? I hosted a poetry and music festival for five hours last night, pretty much winging most of it off the cuff and it was tighter and funnier than anything so far here.

• Gee, Pixar wins Best Animated Feature. Again. There should really be more than three nominees in the category. Haven't seen the other nominees yet, but I wasn't crazy about Toy Story 3.

• 40 minutes in and I'm bored.

• Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem - co-stars from No Country For Old Men - are dressed as if they're going to be serving drinks at the Governor's Ball.

• Aaron Sorkin wins for The Social Network and gives props right off to Paddy Chayefsky's titanic Network. Best dialog of 2010.

• David Siedler, age 74 or so, is the oldest winner of Best Original Screenplay for The King's Speech. I was unimpressed by that movie as well.

• Anne Hathaway shows off her impressive lungs - singing voice, that is - and Franco comes out in Marilyn Monroe drag. Scary. She looks hot in a tux.

• Russell Brand and Helen Mirren (co-stars in the Arthur remake) are the first good presenters with banter. A Better World wins for Best Foreign Language, but the woman giving the acceptance was a mess.

• Christian Bale wins, as expected, for The Fighter. No problems with this win. Hard to believe he's never been nominated before.

• It's ironic that The Fighter is up for Best Picture, Director, Original Screenplay, Support Actor and two Supporting Actress noms, but the star and producer, Marky Mark, gets bupkiss for his performance.

• It's a long way from Cleveland for Trent Reznor as he co-wins Best Original Score for The Social Network's ambient, futuristic soundscape.

• Inception wins for Sound Mixing and Editing Oscars. Nice to see it picking up the technical categories. Everyone's been thanking Chris Nolan, who was snubbed for Best Director by the haters in the Directors Branch of the Academy.

• Rick Baker wins his 7th Oscar for Best Makeup for The Wolfman. Does anyone even remember that movie.

• Colleen Atwood wins her third Oscar for Costume Design for Alice in Wonderland. Remember her dress made of American Express Gold Cards when she won for Chicago?

• Randy Newman is OK, but his chronic presence at the Oscars is no different than the Coens Brothers getting automatically nominated for anything they put out in a year. I've already forgotten his song from 2010 Pixar Movie.

• Something wins Best Documentary Short. God of Love wins Best Live-Action Film and director-star Luke Matheny gives the best speech so far, "I should've gotten a haircut."

• The Auto-Tune The News Internet meme sails over the head of Hollywood as they do a montage of "musicals" that came out last year.

• Cute moment with Anne Hathaway twirling her dress. She's so yummy.

• I haven't seen Best Feature Documentary Inside Job yet - I've got it downloaded and waiting - but as long as Exit Through The Gift Shop didn't win, I'm satisfied. Not that it's not a good movie (haven't watched it yet, but I'm sick of FAKE "documentaries" by liars like Michael Moore winning a category that implies truthfulness in its very title.

• "Surprise" presenter - only if you don't read Deadline Hollywood - Billy Crystal comes out to into a montage of Bob Hope hosting bits. And then he's gone. Big whoop.

• Inception wins for Best Visual Effects, continuing the irrelevant technical honors sweep. Sherlock Holmes co-stars Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law do OK banter.

• The Social Network wins Best Editing. I seem to recall hearing that it's unlikely to win Best Picture without winning Editing. Hmmm, could The King's Speech be getting passed over?

• Randy Newman wins. Yawn. That he's only 2-for-20 in winning says something. Terrible song. Can't even remember the tune. Funny speech, though.

• And yet again, they don't use Jim Carroll's "People Who Died" for their In Memorium montage. Heh, they use a clip from Blue Velvet for Dennis Hopper. They must have commanded that no applause be given, so there's no winner for the Most Popular Dead Person.

• A sort of upset as Tom Hooper wins Best Director for The King's Speech. Even those who thought it would win Best Picture thought David Fincher would win here. Good speech thanking his mother for tipping him off about the script that led to his win.

• Queen Amadala wins for Insane Lesbian Ballerina. I had a headache watching her, so this is merited. Good thing Annette Bening didn't rob her for a Lifetime Achievement Award. She thanked everyone on the crew, but none of her co-stars. None of them. Tacky and stuck-up.

• Sandra Bullock looks Botoxed to near-lethal levels. Funny intros to the actors though.

• Colin Firth wins Best Actor for The King's Speech and last year's A Single Man, thus filling in the Free Space box on every Oscar Pool bingo card. Dull acceptance speech.

• Good mention by Spielberg of the movies that did NOT win Best Picture: Raging Bull, Citizen Kane, The Graduate. Interesting montage using the king's speech to underscore clips from all the movie.

• The King's Speech wins Best Picture. Snooooooooore. So overrated. The Oscars refuse to step into the present, much less the present. This is Harvey's big comeback.

• James Franco seemed ill-at-ease the whole night and contributed nothing to the proceedings. Anne Hathaway was yummy and cute and looked great in all her outfits, but didn't do much. Bring back Steve Martin!

• Who the hell are these kids from PS22 in Staten Island and why are they singing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"? Were they in a movie or did someone just think this was a good idea. (Hint: It wasn't.) Having all the winners come out for a mass bow was an OK touch.

• Pop Quiz: What films won the past two years, since they're triumphs of the cinematic arts? Exactly! Next year, who will remember this year's winner? Exactly!

The 2010 Oscars Livesnark Post

* A lot of bad makeup on the ladies. Sandra Bullock has this clownish pink lipstick; Secretariat Jessica Parker has a drugstore spray tan; a lot of humidity-frizzed hair.

* Interesting floor layout.

* Cute opening number from Dr. Horrible.

* Steve Martin about Meryl Streep, "Can that woman act and what's up with all the Hitler memorabilia?"

* Good opener with Steve and Alec. A-

* I like the color of Penelope Cruz's dress, but not the style.

* I like how they're showing a montage of clips from the nominated performances instead of one snip. Very cool. Hope they keep this for future shows.

* Cristophe Waltz wins and gives an odd speech, but beats the timer.

* Pixar wins for Best Animated Feature. Well, I'm out of the Oscar pool. Never saw this coming.

* Miley looks like she forgot to put her top on.

* "Hi, I'm Chris Pine. I was in the big sci-fi hit that wasn't nominated to introduce one that did."

* Is Robert Downey Jr. wearing sneakers? Funny routine with Tina Fey.

* Molly Ringwald looks weird. What's with those bangles? Good John Hughes tribute. I was thinking it'd be cool to get some other cast members out there and they did it. I think it'd be cool if they had a bunch of ninja babes come out for a pillow fight.

* Carie Education's earrings are atrocious. Both hers and Zoe Saldana's dresses are terrible. Are all the gay men in Hollywood on strike?

* I look at the Logorama clip and wonder how they cleared the usage of all of those. Funny acceptance speech.

* What the hell was that woman cutting off the Music by Prudence acceptance speech about? I thought someone just crashed the stage. Rude and stupid.

* Well, that whole segment was a momentum killer.

* Ben Stiller's bit straddled the link between clever and stupid a little too shakily.

* I have no fraking idea why A Serious Man is here other than the Coens are the current holders of the totem which grants automatic nomination to anything they make regardless of quality. (Previous holder: Woody Allen.) I turned this thing off after 20 minutes and there wasn't a frame of the nom montage than makes me think I was hasty in my decision.

* Precious' Best Adapted Screenplay award was a surprise, wasn't it? But what's the deal with writers sucking at their speeches? Great save by Steve Martin.

* Mo'nique wins for Precious, thus wrecking my Oscar pool even more. Nice dress and flower in her hair.

* The only one of the Best Pics I haven't seen yet - other than A Serious Man, which I shut off - is An Education which I got about a half-hour into before I had to do something else. I want to get back to it.

* Gawd, Suzy Amis looks bad; too skinny. Is Cameron draining her life force or something.

* "Clothes whores." Heh.

* They should really more of the costume nominees. Classy, funny speech. Nice dress. What was her name again?

* WTF is Charlize Theron wearing?

* Funny Paranormal Activity spoof.

* What's with the stairs that the women are needing a spotter to get down them?

* Hurt Locker wins Sound Editing and Mixing - an omen for Best Picture? Looks that way.

* Bullock's dress is great, but her hair and makeup are lame.

* Avatar wins Cinematography; odd considering there was so little actual filming with real cameras of real things.

* What's with all the dresses having bandage tops and Muppet-like froo-froo bottoms?

* The People Who Died Roll Call: Karl Malden wins the clap-off.

* The don't have time to do even bits of the Best Song nominees, but they can do a huge dance number for Score? Poppin' and lockin' for the Hurt Locker? Yeesh.

* Question: What was Mo'Nique referring to when she said "it's the performance, not the politics"? Something happen?

* Michael Giacchino is the new John Williams. Very versatile.

* Jeez, Suzy Amis looks like Clint Eastwood. Meanwhile, right in front of her and Cameron is the ex-Mrs. JC, the damn hawt Kathryn Bigelow. She's 58? Hubba-hubba.

* Stop and ponder this: Academy Award winner Fisher Stevens. (Yeah, me too.)

* Hurt Locker wins Editing. More mo? Looks so.

* Couldn't Tarantino find a jacket that fit?

* Aw, crap; they've brought back last year's terrible "tribute" presentation of the acting nominees. Just awful. SHOW CLIPS and blow less smoke up their arses, please. Ugh. I guess Sam Rockwell is lucky to not have endure this.

* Jeff Bridges started off good, then wandered off into Dude-ville and not in a good way. Good for him to finally get some bling.

* What was Sean Penn babbling about? Must be quite a struggle to keep his Tourette's in check.

* Bullock picked up her Razzie last night in person and now has an Oscar. Busy weekend! Super-classy speech and funny. They love her in this town.

* Babs comes out to marginalize the black and female director nominees as tokens. Jason Reitman looks like Dave Grohl.

* Bigelow is better looking than some of the movie stars here tonight.

* The little movie about bomb disposal wins over the Biggest Movie of All-Time, thus continuing the Oscars need to punish the films that keep the lights on in favor of little flicks that scratch their artiste itch.

* Watching Mo'Nique kill in the backstage press conference on E! now. Very funny and pays tribute to Hattie McDaniel. She's taken over the order of questions.

Overall, a decent show, but not very exciting other than watching Avatar lose technical awards you'd think would be a lock. Steve and Alec were funny, but underused. Hurt Locker was OK, but too sloppy in its accuracy and lacked an arc. If I had a ballot, I would've voted for District 9 for Best Picture because it had the most things right that even Avatar and Hurt Locker didn't. Of course, this is because (500) Days of Summer didn't get squat. Screw the Academy.