"24 S8.23-4" Recap – “Setting Up For Showing Down/Bang, Bang, My Chloe Shot Me Down”

24 S8.23-4 – “Setting Up For Showing Down/Bang, Bang, My Chloe Shot Me Down”

==== HOUR 23 ====
• A scruffy Kiefer opens the evening with a humble thank-you to the fans who’ve stuck by them for 8 years. However, anyone still watching at this point is owed an APOLOGY, methinks. Seriously.
• Why are they reminded us that events occur in real time? If you’re just tuning in now, screw you!
• Damp Boi and Mr. White showdown at the Whitecave. Odd to see a Tarantino-esque Mexican standoff without everyone getting killed.
• Chloe arrives at the UN and is automatically being annoyed by her minions.
• Damp Boi notifies Chloe about Jack’s bug and then does an infomercial for Hyundai backup camera system.
• WTF? On the day with multiple terrorist threats they’re having a signing ceremony OUTDOORS; not someplace indoors like the General Assembly hall or a TGIFridays?
• PELB calls Prez Chumpy and tells her about everything and Jack hears it, he’s heard it all.
• Mr. Dominic gets into his SUV and finds out that he’s got himself a JACK SEAT DRIVER! Holla!!!
• Widow Regis gives Chumpy the signing pen Regis was gonna give her. Is it filled with blood, guilt and shame?
• Chloe plans to blast any evidence Jack has out to all media outlets and government employees. Unless she titles the note, “Awwww. Cute Kitteh,” no one’s gonna open it until next week.
• Jack gets into the UN and Dominic to stitch him up – what is this, Lost? – and then gets all sentimental, only pistol-whipping Dom. He’d better tie him up and toss him in the trunk.
• Good, Jack left Dom in the trunk and got his Big Ol’ Sack O’ Guns.
• Chumpy looks forlorn at the pen. Gee, handling your guilt badly?
• Widow Regis arrives and wants help finding Blonde Ambition. Chumpy blows it off, but WR ain’t having it. Keep digging, Chumpy, you’ll find China.
• Whoops! Now we know why Chumpy’s poker night nickname was “Unable-to-Bluffer-in-Chief” as WR realizes that she knew about the plot. She says she’s going to tell Dad, er, the UN and Chumpy threatens to attack Kreplochistan unless she shows up for the signing.
• Nothing makes better for a solid and lasting peace than assassinations, lies, and blackmail, does it?
• Jack sets up sniper shop. Convenient that they’ve got a nice unsecured vantage point overlooking the outdoor signing site.
• WR is pissed. Her lackey is trying to chill her out. Is she gonna catch Sudden Little Bitch Syndrome, too?
• Chloe is notified that Jack’s across the street and goes to get him. Is the eager CTU guy who got demoted for Damp Boi going to be a spoiler?
• Jack leaves a message to Kim. He’s sounding hopeful. Why not just call her since if he dies, they’ll likely black hole the tape?
• Chloe’s got a master key. Does Jack have a new pair of roller skates?
• Dr. Benton is the Secretary General of the UN?
• Chloe finds Jack and receives the most tender and loving chokehold he’s ever administered.
• Jack calls PELB and says, ”Smile, you’re on Sniper Camera.” Then he delivers the Line of the Hour, ”Tell him the truth for a change. That you’ve received a credible threat on his life.” Evil Smirk.

==== HOUR 24 ====
• Press conference wraps up and Big Ivan corners Chumpy about Widow Regis.
• PELB calls Big Ivan and says, ”Why don’t you you come on up and see me sometime, like, now?”
• Damp Boi doesn’t hear from Chloe, so orders the go team in.
• Chloe tries to talk Jack out of killing those who need killing by playing the “Renee wouldn’t want a war in her name” card. Are you sure? She was a pretty hardcore chick. She may find a guy starting a war over her to be romantic.
• Whoa! Super intense showdown with Jack forcing Chloe to shoot him by threatening to kill himself. BANG!!!! Now we have the annoyed face.
• Ah crud, they found Dominic and he orders Chloe held.
• PELB tells Dom about the recording and he gets to fulfill the fantasy of probably 27 nerds and frisks Chloe.
• Jack asks Dom if he’d like to see his Mike Tyson impression. Dom foolishly agrees.
• Chloe tries to upload the file, but people downloading cam files of Shrek Forever After have bogged down the Intarwebz and the transfer isn’t completed before she and Damp Boi are busted by CTU Agent Bucky. Tool.
• PELB gives Chumpy the card and tells her that she’s gotta whack Jack. Chumpy silently signs Jack’s death warrant. YOU SUCK!!!!
• Chumpy plays the card and it’s Jack’s video message. Huh? Where’s the real card? Ooooh, I get it. (Chloe’s taking it back to CTU to play, methinks.)
• Dom and PELB have celebratory drinks. Bastards.
• Peace signing ceremony blah-blah-woof-woof…
• Dr. Benton has Big Ivan sign first. Widow Regis follows. Wouldn’t the treaty have to be ratified by the respective countries making this all moot?
• Chumpy calls the whole thing off and tries to save Jack…
• Too late. The ambulance got ambushed. Black hood comes over the camera. Hmmm.
• PELB clobbers Dominic and then puts the gun under his chin. BANG!!!! Is he dead? Jack was supposed to kill him! DAMMIT!!!!
• Commercial Break Thoughts: Heading into the last segment, they’ve got to cover a lot of ground. Do PELB’s minions kill Jack, thus slapping the fans in the face after 8 seasons and making all the movie talk a false flag operation or do they manage to give us some sort of a happy ending?
• Mini-Aaron has already called CTU and got Chloe, Damp Boi, and Drone Boi on the case while Ivanka is hauled off. They find him in less time than they could find anyone this day.
• Hmmmm, black ops guys? Could they be friends of Mr. White?
• Nope. Oh, this looks grim and…..POW!!! Jack starts to beat the guy with his hands cuffed behind his back. Doesn’t work for long, but silver star and smiley face for effort.
• Jack says to get it over with, but Prez Cherry calls off the hit thanks to the most efficient reverse lookup ever. She orders Jack released and tells Jack she’s weally, weally saw-wee and she should’ve listened to him all along. YA F*CKING THINK?!?!?!?!?
• Jack has a tearful farewell call with Chloe and he gets a head start for life on the lam as the clock counts down to 00:00:00…that’s all folks!
Thoughts: And thus the curtain falls on the end of an era. Even though saddled with some tawdry plot baggage due to the messed-up plotting, these final two hours were pretty intense and gut-wrenching. If only they hadn’t botched the first 18 hours of the season. (Anyone else what to dig up Starbitch’s corpse and smack it around some more?) That Prez Cherry came out of the attack of SLBS was predictable, but Cherry Jones played it so well that we almost – ALMOST – felt bad for her total epic failness.

Hardcores: Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack and JACK!!!!

Little Bitches: President Evil Little Bitch (he’s not really dead, is he?), Prez Cherry, Mr. Dominic (BIH), national honor.

Up Next: During their call, Jack told Chloe to protect Kim’s family from the Ruskies, thus setting up the first movie, “2: Forget The Cougar, Here Comes The Bear!”

Episodes Score: 8/10; 9.5/10

JBBC: Final total for this final go ‘round is 132 kills – 33 if we scored Starbitch as one, but she counted 100, DAMMIT!!!

Thanks for reading these recaps. I did ‘em for you! Cheers!